Night One starts with a very keen observation from Evan the Erectile Dysfunction Guy:
"I believe there are two sides of Chad. You have the douche and then you have the asshole."
1 on 1 #1
Chase, Let's get physical - JoJo
JoJo takes Chase to hot yoga, and it starts getting awkward right away. We're immediately assaulted by a Yogi's vagina. There, I said it, ya'll know you were thinking it.
So JoJo and Chase do all these really weird moves that I don't even think are really yoga. Chase comes out shining for being such an amazing sport.
Next JoJo takes Chase to a vineyard for a private and cozy dinner. He talks about his divorced parents and receives a very well deserved rose. I seriously love this guy!
This date features our first private concert of the year. Charles Kelly of Lady Antebellum fame is there to serenade the couple, and I'm swaying to the music from my couch because I love Charles Kelly.
Meanwhile at The Bachelor mansion, the date card arrives. Love has no secrets. - JoJo . Twelve men get invited. Chad tells the other guys he doesn't want to go. After Jordan calls him out and the other guys jump on the bandwagon, he tries to back peddle and say that there's just too many guys on the date. Ok, Chad, whatever. Honestly, I've never enjoyed a verbal assault as much as I've loved this one. Such. freaking. good. television.
WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT
Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F, Christian, Ali, Daniel, Vinny, Nick, Evan, Alex, and Chad end up at a theater. Some random lady starts faking an orgasm in front of everyone. She also goes on to talk about things that you can't even say on tv. I mean, you can say shit and bullshit and GD on tv now, so what the fuck is she saying? Based on the mortified look on the guys' faces, I'm kinda glad I don't know.
Soon enough the guys find out they are at a show called "Sex Talks" and (yippee!) they are going to be participants. James F tells his mom to turn off the TV and never turn in back on. I'd say that's sound advice.
Thankfully ABC spares us the gory details of whatever weird sexual shit these guys have gotten themselves into. Evan gets up and accuses Chad of taking steroids and he just punched his ticket for a beat down.
Chad is the last guy up and when passing Evan, rips his shirt and gives him a little shove. Maybe JoJo should have invited Chad on the Let's Get Physical date. Chad gets up on stage, says something I tune out, and tries to get a kiss. JoJo turns the cheek and he is denied!
Alex is on his feet, over the moon about the diss. Chad shoves Evan two more times. He also punches a door causing his knuckles to bleed, and if he can't lift weights he's going to be pissed, bro.
Chad makes it impossible to actually concentrate on the other guys during the group date cocktail party portion. It all comes to a head when Evan tells JoJo he's out if Chad's in. This is the second time tonight that he's punched his own ticket. But alas, she actually offers him the group date rose! I don't think Chad was the only one who didn't see that one coming.
Chad make another dick comment and JoJo tells him he's being rude and disrespectful. I love her even more. Run your show, JoJo!
1 on 1 #2
James Taylor and JoJo are about to kick it old school, but not before Derek expresses feeling unsafe sleeping in the same room as Chad. In fact, someone has hired security. Like that pot belly security guard is going to take down Chad. Come on.
JT and JoJo meet the sweetest old lady, Jean, who teaches them how to swing dance. Good effort, Jean, good effort.
After all the dancin' fun, JoJo and JT park somewhere overlooking the city. I hope they start necking. James Taylor opens up more and more, and with every word coming out of his mouth I'm falling even more in love. JoJo does the right thing and gives him the rose. Pretty sure every woman in America would hate her if she hadn't.
The next morning, Chris Harrison visits the guys in the mansion to notify them that there will be no cocktail party prior to the rose ceremony. Surprise! There will be an all day pool party! Before Chris can leave, Evan rats out Chad. Chris basically tells Chad to play nice in the sandbox. Yeah, that is totally going to work.
And I leave you with this... Did all the guys make friendship necklaces?!
Tune in tomorrow for the a recap of Night 2!